Christian Sundberg's Pre-Birth Memories and Spiritual Journey Will Blow Your Mind

Cristian: The pre-incarnate state is very difficult to describe in language. I'll just try. First, let me just please disclaim that it's really important to say that language cannot possibly speak to this content. You know, our higher natures and who we really are—it just so vastly transcends the metaphor set that we use as humans. You know, all the forms and symbols of language—it's so crude. So it's extremely difficult to try to describe. What I can say is that we are multi-dimensional beings who are beings of love and joy and freedom. That is our true nature. That's what we really are. And we undertake certain experiences for the purposes of creativity and growth—personal growth and growth of all that is, collective growth. And the human experience is a very, very unique, very special, very high-specialty, high-uniqueness, high-level—I'm looking for extremity—type of experience that enables a very unique type of growth through the contrast of the human experience.

So, from that state, I—this is something that I wanted to do. And I felt very honored, deeply honored, that I was given the chance to, you know, to be human.

Brian Smith: So, if I remember correctly, you encountered a being in that state that inspired you to want to become human. Is that correct?

Cristian: Yes. Yeah. So, and again, this is so difficult to describe. Okay. Yeah. So, I remember coming across a being long, long ago, like before I had ever been physical in this type of an experience in this universe. And feeling from this being the incredible quality and nature of this being's essence—like who he is, who he was. I could feel from him because, in those reality systems, they're thought-responsive, and we're all connected to each other. We can feel the connection. We know that we're all one with each other, even as we're individuated. And this being was just so full of joy and power and love. And it was amazing. It was breathtaking.

And I asked him, like, "Oh my goodness, do you really feel the depths of what I feel you feel?" And he shared with me, "Yes." And he, like, kind of allowed me to telepathically explore it. And I was like, "How did you do that? Like, what could you possibly have done?" And he shared with me that he had lived physical lives. And he shared one in particular in which he had dealt with a very difficult, painful health condition that lasted for a number of years. And the way that he chose to meet that experience and integrate it and shine through it allowed a refinement of his being—a deepening and refinement of who he was and who he is. The only way I can describe it. And I was like, "I want to do that. I want to do that." Just totally inspired, like, "I want to do that. I'll do whatever it takes."

And, you know, at first, he kind of brushed me off—not negatively, but kind of in a playful way, like, "Yeah, that's what they all say. Like, you don't know how difficult it can be." And I persisted. And I said, "No, I want to do that. This is something I definitely, I definitely want to do." And he said, "Well, then go speak with your guides." So I did that. And I don't have memory right after that. But I remember having lived many times and then being in a period—so I don't know if you want me to go this far—but not this life before this life, but the life immediately preceding this life, I was in the in-between life state. And I remember this guide coming to me over and over again and asking, "Are you ready to go back yet?

Are you ready to go back yet?" Because I was taking a long break, like I was enjoying the freedom of that state of being. And it's like being on a long holiday or something and being reluctant to go back to work. I don't know—maybe that's a terrible metaphor because we don't have to do it. It's by choice. We have total freedom. We have total freedom to do this. But it was like he kept reminding me of my own intention, like, "Oh, you know, you intend to do this. Do you want to go back?" And eventually, I said, "Yes, I'm ready to go back."

And then, reviewing with this guide what I can only describe as my state—like who I am, who I've been, who I was—like the qualities of experience that I knew and then I had—I don't want to use the word "learned," but come to understand—and that they were a part of me. Maybe like reviewing virtues, but I don't want to put it like that because it's not like we're just, you know, earning something. It's more like what we've become able to integrate and qualities that we've developed through experience. And I could see there was this one area that was very obvious, like that it would be beneficial for me to work on that, so to speak. And it was this—it was a fear. It was this very specific low-vibration fear that had beset me, overcome me in a previous experience. And because of that fear in that lifetime, I had turned out to be a very egoic and hurtful person. I caused a lot of damage to others.

It's not true damage because, you know, we can't actually truly be harmed in the physical. We're immortal spirit. We can't actually be harmed. But within the context of the physical, I had caused damage to others because of this ego that had arisen in me in response to the fear. So I knew, like, "Wow, you know, if I could integrate that, if I could heal that fear and really work through that—oh, that would be incredible." But even from that point of view, I could see, like, "Oh, my goodness, the extremity of the low vibration of this fear. It was so extreme." I remember asking, "Can it even be—is this even possible? Like, has anything ever in all of creation integrated a vibration that's this low successfully?" And I was told, "Yes." And, "You have all the time available to you to do so.

There's no hurry." And I just knew, like, if it can be done, I will do it. You know, which, as the human, sounds so strange because I've been through a lot of trauma and pain and difficulty in this life. That's what I signed up for. But from that perspective, I knew what I am and what we are. You know, we are immortal, powerful beings. We cannot fail. We cannot die. We cannot truly be hurt. We are so—we have so much potential. I don't know how else to describe it—so much depth and wonder. And I just knew, like, if it can be done, I'll do it.

So, they brought me a lifetime that was appropriate for that intention. And it wasn't this life. It was the immediately preceding life. And I reviewed that lifetime, and I accepted it. And then I accepted the veil, which is just a word. But the veil represents the constraints in consciousness, space, and consciousness that go along with the incarnation. It's like a plummet in the vibration of your being—down, down, down, down, down, lower, lower, lower from this place of total connectedness and knowing and freedom, down, down, down into this place of incredible limitation and disconnectedness. You feel separate. You know, I feel separate here. We feel separate while we're human. And a place that was very dense and also cold, just empty.

So, after the veil had come over me, within seconds, I'm like, "I am not doing this. This is so low vibration. This is not happening. Like, it's just no way I'm going to tolerate this for a lifetime." And I reacted in fear, you know, just immediately had so much fear prompted in me because of the vibration of just even being incarnated in this body—not this body, but the one before it. It was so low that I summoned in my mind my strength, and I fought the veil. I fought my way out.

And I was successful in doing so because I was back on the other side. But I became aware that by doing that, I had killed the fetus. I killed the body that was to be my body. And I had a life review, just like as described by near-death experiences. I could see how my fear had affected not only the poor mother—it was primarily the mother—but also hundreds of people that the mother would interact with in her life. It would make their journeys more difficult, all because of the grief that I had heaped onto the mother because of her loss. And I could see it very clearly.

So, from that side, like, it can be seen—everything's okay. Like, there's not a true failure. Everything is just a play. Like, it's okay. It's totally okay. But I also could just see very objectively, like, "Oh, man, I've got a lot of fear. I've got a lot of fear. I've got to do something about this." So, I still had this intention. So, they brought me this life sometime later. And I reviewed this life in detail. And this life was good. It wasn't as appropriate as the first one would have been.

The first one was like a near-perfect match for what I was trying to accomplish and experience. This life wasn't bad. And I remember reviewing this life in incredible detail—like millions and millions of possibilities of how this life might unfold. It was like reviewing a probability tree, like if you took a tree and laid it on its side and started at the thick part of the trunk and worked your way out to the branches.

It was kind of like that. And the branches are like different avenues that might actualize through the life. And it was an experience of what it would be like to be me in those branches. And, you know, there were events in it, but it wasn't primarily about events. It was primarily about what I would feel and what I would experience—you know, being Christian, the human. And I reviewed it in detail, and I made certain requests for the life. And then I remember there having to be a moment to say yes.

And I don't remember that moment, but I remember being in this waiting area. And this being—suddenly my guide came to me and grabbed my attention, like, "Go now. Like, now's the time. Like, Earth time, buddy." That kind of thing. I was like, "Okay, now." You know, because the timeline, the linear time of Earth, is such a denser, much more—like, sludgy, slow, defined linear time. And I had to, like, engage at OSHA or something.

So, the next thing was I was in this room that I can only describe as a technician's chamber or a mechanic's shop, something like that, where I was over the shaft, and the Earth was below me. And there were these beings in this chamber who were very technical in nature.

And they're like veil technicians or something. I don't know how to describe that, but they're beings who help facilitate applying the veil to us specifically because the veil is very organic and personal. And the soul has many specific qualities, and the lifetime, the body, the circumstances—it's all something going on. And they do this thing, or they, like, energetically make it all fit. They make it all, you know, jive.

Christian Sundberg: And I remember them asking me one last time, "Are you sure? Are you sure you want to do this?" Because I knew once I said yes here, that I was strapped in for the ride. It's like, you know, in a roller coaster. Once you're strapped in, you can't get out till the ride comes to a complete stop.

That kind of thing. So I said yes. And then once again, I remember the veil coming over me in this plummet of vibration—down, down, down, down, down, lower, lower, lower, lower, lower. Oh my gosh, lower still, lower, more, lower still. So low. And then being in the body and sending one message back to the technicians, "Did it take? Like, did the veil take?" And getting one message back, "Yes." And I remember actually feeling a sense of accomplishment because even making it to the physical was quite an accomplishment because of the vibrational distance.

So then I was there for a while. And then eventually, I said, "You know what? I am not doing this. There is no way." Once again, my fear began to rise up. And because I felt like I lost all that I am. I lost all my connectedness. I lost all my knowledge. I felt like everything that I am had disappeared and had been removed. And I rejected it. And as I began to summon my mind once again, the most holy moment in my entire physical journey happened. The Spirit of God came to me. I don't know what words to use, but the Great I Am, the Spirit of all things, came to me and expanded me back out. And I felt the entire universe—the physical universe—within me, within my body, within the body of my being.

And I felt the churning of our Sun, Earth, Sun inside me, and the bliss of the Sun. And I felt all just incredible amounts of freedom and creativity and power, love, and joy. And when God said to me, "This is still what you are. You can never not be this." And that calmed me. I was like, "Oh," because I had been fighting because I felt like I lost all. But I was, you know, and it was like being shown, "No, you haven't lost. You haven't. You cannot truly lose all that you are." So I surrendered back into the existence of just being in the womb. And it was so relieved.

And so then I was there for a while. And then it seemed like a long while. And the next moment I remember is being born. I remember the shock and the sensation of being born—the temperature, you know, the cold, the light, the touching, you know, all this extreme experience. But I had no idea what was happening. Like, I had no intellectual context at all. I remember looking up at the nurses and just being like, "Who are these beings taking care of me? Like, what is going on?"

And just feeling intensely curious. And I don't remember anything much after that until a few years later, you know, as I began to grow up. I remember drawing upon the flowchart memory and like trying to anticipate what was going to happen in my life, just for simple, mundane things like, "Who's going to come over tomorrow?" or, you know, whatever simple thing that I had wanted to know. I would just try to pluck it out of the database and, you know, just because I was curious. But that ability diminished quickly as I aged, you know, especially by the age of four or five, definitely by six or seven. I, you know, the memory left me completely, and I wasn't able to do that anymore.

So, yeah, that's a quick summary of the experience. You know, I know that the experience is interesting to people, of course, but I think it's far more important that we focus on what we really are, who we really are. Because that is the most important message. You know, here we are on Earth, having this incredibly rich, rigorous—oftentimes it seems mercilessly rigorous—experience where even death can happen. But who we truly are—in that, there is absolutely nothing to fear.

We cannot lose what we love. We cannot fail. Like, we need to remind each other that even though we're deeply veiled here, and it's intentional—there's a good reason for it—right? Even though that's true, like, I just feel it's so important to remind each other of what we really are. There is just so much freedom in that.

Brian Smith: Well, the reason, Christian, why I wanted you to recount that, and the reason why I find it important for my audience and for myself, is that we're here, and it seems more rigorous for some of us than others. We know my audience is largely people who have lost someone, specifically children, because I work with an organization where 25,000 people or so have lost children. And we often ask ourselves, "Why are we here? What is the point?" And when you say to someone who's gone through that experience, "You planned this for yourself," it takes a lot of convincing. I know even people that, yeah, I would plan something like this. And your description is so—it makes you really feel that separation that we have when we come here. Yeah. And that sense of abandonment, that sense of fear. And I find it really fascinating that you felt that even in the womb before you even came into the world. That vibration was so much lower.

Cristian: I was in the world. I just hadn't been born yet. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. So, we use the human—yeah. So part of the human state. Sorry, go ahead.

Brian Smith: Yeah. So, I find it interesting also, as I've explored these ideas, and you know, I read your book, and I know you've referenced Tom Campbell's book a lot. And I just finished My Big TOE (The Theory of Everything). When you say being in the physical, is that because this means everything is physical, and really nothing is physical, right? We're the—it's all mental. But this vibration seems to be different.

Cristian: Yeah, so the experience of the physical is an experience happening in consciousness. And that's an important thing to focus on because we tend to believe that the physical is fundamentally real—that there are these objects, there are these rocks, there are these bodies. And we're all separate from each other. And this is what's most real. It's a very, you know, it's very convincing, and it is a real experience. But the forms themselves are not fundamentally real. What's fundamentally real is us—the stuff, the stuff of life, spirit itself, the knower of the experience. And so here in the physical, we experience a very, very physical, tangible experience.

But just as physical or intangible, or even more so, an experience can and is experienced in other reality systems. Like, if you go out of body, it depends on the type of experience. But if you're having, like, you know, what I would call a local astral experience—I'm not big on the terms and the labels—but you're having an experience like that. It's very, very physical. It's so normal that you can't even tell a difference. You know, it's so normal. So, in those kinds of experiences, you realize, "Oh, my goodness, the physical—you know, I'm experiencing something super physical here, but it's not the same."

And very much in higher systems, they're even more real—like the lucidity and the clarity and the colors and the light and the connectedness that we feel with each other and with the environment. It is just so absolutely real—like, more even more real than this life. That there is no doubt to the veracity of that type of physicality. So, I don't know if that speaks to your question, but—

Brian Smith: It does. Because, again, I think people—because we become so attached to this place, and we—because we become so—we can't remember the other way. Associated with—yeah, exactly—with the body and with the physical. When we think of the other realms, we think of them as kind of ethereal, kind of dream-like. I know they're more thought-responsive. But I've had people say to me, "Well, if I have something in that, is it real? And if someone says I have a house, is it a real house? Because my house was a real house, but those houses aren't real?"

Cristian: And I see. So, what is real then? Right? Yeah, what's most real? What's the most real thing is the substance of spirit. So, you could say Source, God, the ocean, the great ocean of all that is. That is the most real. And you are a drop in and of that ocean. You are real. Your spirit is real. So, like, as a simple metaphor, like, where did your five-year-old body go? Well, it's gone. There's no more five-year-old body. It's, for all intents and purposes, it's dead. Right? It's not here anymore. But you're still here. You, the experiencer, are still here.

And there's not actually a huge distinction between a five-year-old body, a 60-year-old body, or a body that has died. It's actually not—there's a seamless, you know, connection between them all because you, the experiencer, remain whether or not your body is a certain age or the constraints of the body have been relinquished. And when the constraints are relinquished, those experiences and those higher systems absolutely can be even more real. It's like—it's like if we watch a black-and-white television, a small black-and-white television, that's like the Earth experience. It's real. You're watching a real black-and-white movie.

And then you go into an IMAX theater, you know, and you're seeing the whole thing, and it's colorful, and it's full of sound, and it's all mine. It's 100 times more real and rich. It's kind of like that metaphorically. And then you go back into the black-and-white movie, and someone says, "Well, how do you know that was real?" There's no doubt. You know, when you have that personal experience, the black-and-white movie seems like the less real experience. It's still real. It's just a much denser and, you know, different type of experience.

Brian Smith: Yeah, and what you're saying lines up with what people who have had near-death experiences tell us. You know, they say, "We're that experience—that was more real than this." It's again, it's kind of hard to describe, I guess, like trying to describe colors to someone who's only ever seen black and white.

Cristian: Exactly. It is like that very much.

Brian Smith: So, when you—so you had these memories when you came into the world, and then they faded, and then they came back to you later in life as you started your meditation practice. Is that correct?

Cristian: Yeah. So, I had a very traumatic experience at the age of 22. It was a health-related PTSD-creating experience. And I went through years of counseling for that. And in that experience, I had the opportunity to re-engage this very, very low-vibration fear. And so, after I had gone through a long healing process of engaging that trauma and healing it internally, after that, after I had done a lot of that work, I then subsequently took up a meditation practice, originally because of Tom Campbell, actually. His suggestion: "Go investigate. Just go see what your own consciousness is." I didn't expect anything.

I just started and continued because, at first, I just felt some peace. You know, meditating was peaceful, and it felt good. But after a few months, I had my first non-physical experience, and it was brief, but it was super eye-opening—like, super, like, "Holy cow, there really is something going on here." And then, as I continued in that way, the pre-birth memory all of a sudden was just there. It was just like someone had blown leaves off of the ground, and there was the grass—like, the most normal thing in the world. It's totally normal.

And it's like, even when I first mentioned it years later to a couple of people, and that's pretty extraordinary, it's like, "It doesn't feel extraordinary at all." It's just one—once your state of awareness is closer to our true nature, to that non-form-associated nature, it becomes natural for those larger portions of ourselves to rise up back to us on their own.

Brian Smith: Yeah, I was reading Tom Campbell's book. I read your book, and then I read Tom Campbell's book because you referenced him, and I've been wanting to read it for a long time anyway. And yeah, he says, "Go out and explore your unconsciousness." And that's where I'm kind of stuck. I'm doing meditation, and I'm like, "I'm not having these experiences." So, with you, they were—you didn't seem to have the out-of-body experience. You were just doing the meditation practice.

Cristian: Correct. That's right. Okay. Yeah, I didn't expect anything. And actually, having no expectation, I feel, is very important. Because if you're sitting down thinking, "Okay, I'm going to have an out-of-body experience," then that's your intention. You're seeking. So, your intention is what the universe is listening to, what your body is listening to—your actual intention.

And so, having the intention of actually moving towards your own awareness itself, beneath all form and beneath all expectation, beneath all thought—all thought—just to experience what your consciousness itself is, that is—word usage is limited here—but you could say, like, a pure intent, to just go back towards full alertness, full openness, not making anything up, full objectivity, full openness, and acceptance of the present moment. And then, what's interesting is not because you're trying, but once you have full openness, full clarity, full acceptance, you are no longer looking at the form, even though you don't, you know, you don't necessarily know that that was your initial intention.

You're just no longer associated with thinking, associated with the senses of the body. You're just alert and alive. And when that happens, like I said, these other portions of yourself that are already on the other side of the veil right now—they might bubble up because you've simply put down the objects that you aren't. Like, you aren't your thoughts. You aren't your body. Right?

Brian Smith: So, it's a question that, you know, a lot of people have, and they've asked me this question, and I want to put it to you: Like, okay, so if we're these—and I—people have used the word for me—perfect. If we're these perfect beings on the other side, then why do we have to come here to improve ourselves?

Cristian: Yeah. So, there is—okay. So, first of all, it's not "have to," it's "choose to." There are two simultaneous truths of the nature of our nature. That sounds contradictory. Here in duality, right now, we're in duality. So, we like to think it's black or white. It's up or down. It's perfect or not perfect. Which one is it? Right, exactly. But that's not an accurate way to approach it because duality itself is non-fundamental. It's an experience of a certain definition. Our true being is itself the substance of being itself. It is already perfect. There is nothing required of it. There's no—there's nothing needed. There is no need to justify or to prove yourself worthy or to be anything because you are already intrinsically worthy. You're already intrinsically a part of God, the ocean. It's beautiful.

Okay, so—but then, that perfection chooses to engage manifest creation for the purposes of the refinement of being—further refinement. And I know that sounds like already a contradiction in duality, but it's not. You could say the water of the ocean itself is perfect. But the water decides, chooses, to go through a process of refinement in order to expand the depths and the heights of what it is. So, to expand all that is, you could say that contrast itself is a tool, you know, like, we engage the lowest, most difficult depths of darkness and integrate them so as to expand the heights of joy into measure, they say.

So, it's like the contrast is not greater than we are. We precede the contrast. But we utilize the contrast in order to refine the depths of what we forever are. And a short, relatively short human journey, even though it's very dense and potentially rigorous, a relatively short human journey is worth the price to the being who chooses to come and engage this very rich contrast. Now, now that we're here, you know, like, "Hey, everyone listening today, we made it, you know, like, we're in the human condition, right?"

Now, we know how hard it can be. Holy cow, the state of separation—it can be no joke, you know. This is the—if you want to draw a spectrum of duality here—and again, duality itself is not fundamental—but if you want to draw a line between unity and separation, we have gone all the way out to the most separate type of experience that has yet been created. The deepest, you know, the veil that permits such a deep sense of separation.

And that depth of separation is alien, actually, to the spirit. We're not—our native state is connected. And we know and feel that connection with each other and with all things all the time. To be human and to actually experience being separate from everyone else and alone—that is a very unusual state of being, and it can prompt fear. In that contrast is the opportunity.

Brian Smith: Yeah, yeah. I like—I love the way you put that. And I think a lot of us can relate to that because it's kind of—it's interesting how we come here, we experience this separation, we experience the fear. And I remember being a child and thinking, "What kind of a crazy world?" I think all of us have had, at some point, you know, I grew up in the '60s. I remember the television, the Vietnam War, and, you know, race riots and stuff. And I'm like, "This world is nuts." Right? But then we kind of fall into it, but then we're always seeking that connection again. I think while we're here, we get homesick.

Cristian: Oh, yes, absolutely. We're always all seeking that connection all the time. You could say that we're all seeking—to put it bluntly, we're all seeking God all the time. We try to fill that hole with everything we can, you know. We try to plug into substances or relationships or, you know, experiences of some kind or identity or, you know, money or whatever. You know, we're always—the ego is always trying to grasp, fill the hole, fill the hole, you know.

But that's because of that state of separation that now we know something dear is missing. And too often, we don't look inward—not just inward because inward makes it sound like it's not to something real—to the aliveness that we are, to the nature of consciousness itself. We forget to look deeply there because, in that, that connectedness is real right now. Like, we are connected to those we love and to all that is right now, even though we're this deeply engaged in an experience of separation.

Brian Smith: Yeah. Well, we're connected on some level that we're typically not aware of while we're here.

Cristian: Correct. But we are actually already there. This is an important point because it makes it sound like, "Well, it's not—I mean, because we often think, 'Oh, it's not real. I mean, come on. It's not real. I don't see it. I don't feel it.' You know, so it doesn't count." I feel it's important to point towards the realness of it, like, and I know it's darn frustrating until we feel that connection.

Sure. I'm not making light of that. But I do feel it's worthwhile to point out that by investigating your own awareness itself, with—let go of all these form associations, all the thoughts, all the pains, all the story—put the whole story down, all the trappings of identity, just put it down and just be fully alert with who you are. That connectedness is already there.

And sometimes, like we discussed earlier, you may reach a point where something arises. And I could even describe it as like an inversion point, perhaps, where all of a sudden, that aliveness of your body can, like, flip—I don't know, like, inside out or something—and you feel the connectedness. It never went anywhere.

Brian Smith: Yeah, I think, for me, I use analogies. And I think there's a lot of good analogies in Hollywood. Like the movie The Matrix, you know, how that reality, when you're in it, it feels real, but it's not the ultimate reality. Avatar—they are in the lab. There's a movie called Total Recall, you know, where you have memories of planets. So, those are things that kind of work for me. It's like, we're experiencing this, but we're not really here because it's not really, ultimately real.

Cristian: That's true. It's like, metaphorically, like, we've fallen asleep and are having the dream of Earth. And that is like The Matrix. You know, I like in The Matrix when Neo is first in the white room with the couch, you know, when he's feeling the couch, and he says, "This isn't real." Yeah, well, that's how it is with, you know, the objects in our world. This isn't always a real experience. You are really having the experience you're having right now. It's not that the experience isn't real. But truly, we do transcend the experience. We've just come very deep into the matrix. And there really is a higher realm, for sure.

Brian Smith: So, when you—there's a couple of other things that people see as black or white, you know. Another one is predestination versus free will. So, people talk about soul plans, and you talked about being able to see your life. But there seems to be an element of free will as well. So, how do those two interplay with each other?

Cristian: Okay, so the flowchart that I reviewed was a probability tree, not a predestined script. And the thing that determined which branch of the probability tree actualized was free will—my choice-making and the choice-making of everybody else. It's just that the system, as it's put in Tom Campbell's terms, the system has all the data. So, it knows really well—it knows you really well, and it knows me really well, and it knows all the billions of players super well. And then it is running the simulation. So, it's very good at predicting likely outcomes.

But novelty still happens because free will is still running. We all are making choices every day. And sometimes, we make choices that may have been less likely in the past, but now they're being actualized. And that may affect someone else in a way that was unanticipated. So, you could say that the system is very good at predicting outcomes, but free will absolutely always, always occurs. It's just free will within the context.

Like, when I say free will, I don't mean the freedom to make any choice anywhere, like, "I can't decide to go to Jupiter right now." I mean, free will within the constraints of the context. You are free to choose whatever you can identify. That's a big part of it because a lot of us have a lot of choices we can't consciously identify, right? You're free to choose anything you can identify in anything that the rule set—another Tom Campbell term—of the physical reality permits.

Brian Smith: Yeah, and there's even, you know, when we think about this, even from our human perspective, we know each other, kind of, right? And I know certain things that my wife is more likely to do and less likely to do, just from having known her for a few years, not even being able to be inside of her head. So, you can imagine that if you did have all the data, you could make some really, really good guesses. And even within myself, I mean, there are certain things that I am free to do, technically, but I would never do.

Cristian: Exactly, yeah. There's one other element to that, which is worth mentioning. And that is that there are—this is hard to describe—they're energetic areas of the play that transpire. So, you could say themes for the whole play. So, the whole play is going through a theme, through a maturity process, and all the players actually know that theme.

And so, because that's the theme of the act, that plays a significant part in what's going to happen, what is likely to happen or less likely to happen. So, like, right now, you know, we're in a period of the play you could call the awakening—that we're trying to process all sorts of old, very dense, fear-based garbage in the collective consciousness and to grow and to awaken.

And that process is happening. And we're trying to do a lot in a relatively short amount of time. And from that side, pre-birth, I just knew, like, "Okay, you know, this is just the period that this is—it's very exciting, like, super exciting to be on Earth during this time and a profound honor to have the opportunity to be on Earth at this time." But anyway, I'm just saying that that act of the play is known to, and that has, like, an energetic—it affects the temperature of the water, you could say something.

Brian Smith: Yeah, so that's a really good point because I do feel like—and I guess lots of generations have said this in the past—but, you know, Tom Campbell talks about in his book about how, you know, we invented one way to kill off the whole planet. Now, we've invented several ways. So, we are at a point where we have to grow up really quickly. Do you think that the souls who are here now said, "Hey, yeah, I'll go in, and I'll play my part in this really important time"?

Cristian: Yes, everyone who's here has chosen to come. I mean, I won't speak for anybody else, but from what I experienced, I feel very confident that yes, we all choose it because the soul itself is sovereign, right? It's a part of the ocean. There is no greater power than God, of which we are a part. You could say you're like a fragment of God. So, the only way that you can be veiled and restricted is to self-surrender. There's no other way.

So, anyway, I'm just pointing that out because everyone who participates has had to self-surrender at some point in order to engage this point in the context. Okay, so, but then, more specifically to your question, speaking to the era of the play, yes, I do think many individuals have chosen to come now in order to help. I think there are a lot of beings who are more loving or sensitive or wise or caring in certain ways.

And just them being here alters the temperature of the water, you know, because you think of the human race as like a collective consciousness, like a pond within the ocean. That pond is comprised of only so many people, beings, and those beings are each contributing something vibrationally to the temperature of the water in the pond. So, I do feel that higher vibrational beings, more evolved beings, do choose to come to help, to assist, to bring that temperature up because if the temperature raises, it kind of prompts everybody to face their own crap, you know, because the temperature is getting higher now. So, now it's like, "Okay, now you're less resonant with the super low-vibration, older stuff." And it has to come up to the surface to be faced and processed. And we've seen a lot of that in our world in the last couple of decades, probably.

Brian Smith: Yeah. Yeah, that's a great point. I also want to ask you about—you know, people who have near-death experiences, and you talk about a lot too how we are infinitely loved beyond what we can possibly understand. Yeah, but I know some people have gone and said, "Well, God is kind of like impersonal. God's just a force." So, what's this thing about love? And where does that come from?

Cristian: Oh, it's both. It's absolutely personal, very specific to you, and also the very substance of reality itself, which you could call impersonal. You could say that the stuff of spirit that is beyond description is love. It's synonymous with love. It's our true nature. That love, that freedom, that joy is the substance of being. It's the very what and why of all things.

That there is no greater—like, it's just one, you know, we use one word. When I say love, I don't just mean the emotion that we associate with love, though that is a profound portion of it. I mean something that's beyond all description—an adoration and a value and a celebration of each life, each moment, each one of us, every molecule of our body, and every portion of our being. It's a celebration that is incredibly wise and totally unconditional. But like, there is nothing you could do—nothing you could do—that would separate you from that love or make it, you know, less. That's not how it works.

So, I don't know what else I can say about it, like, that is the nature. So, at least I can reiterate, yes, if we're going to put it in colloquial religious terms, God loves you, specifically you. Like, you can call it something else. I mean, I'm not sensitive to the terminology.

Brian Smith: I think it's really interesting. I love the way you explain it because we do think of love as conditional for the most part. I mean, we—I think the closest thing we have to unconditional love would be our children. Yes. I think once you have a child, and for me anyway, that's like, that's when I first understood unconditional love. It's like, "I will love this being no matter what." But to say it's unconditional, and God loves everybody, and it also loves you uniquely and specifically—I think that's what people have trouble wrapping their heads around.

Cristian: Oh, it's very much both. And it's used specifically—it's a really, really key part of it. Each one of us is like—oh, I wish I could communicate this—like an absolutely irreplaceable fragment of all that is, precious beyond all the riches of the world. Irreplaceable. Every one of us. I just—I don't know how to possibly articulate that. But when we reach those states, we know it, and we feel it.

And it's breathtaking. You know, it's a type of love that on Earth we very rarely get real glimmers of. It's so many magnitudes beyond what we commonly experience on Earth that it seems so foreign to us to see. But that's the nature of this experience, though, you know. We've come into a place where we are veiled from it, and we feel so separate, and it makes us feel so alone. And it's like being in the cold. Like, I like the metaphor of being up on Mount Everest, you know, or climbing a big tall mountain.

And we get here, and we're like, "Oh my gosh, it's cold. There's no air up here. I can't breathe." Yes, that's how Mount Everest is. But the question isn't whether or not it's cold. The question is, what do you do with it now? How do you respond? How do you meet Mount Everest? What meaning do you put on Mount Everest? How do you allow your love that came with you and is you—how do you allow it to shine on Mount Everest? How do you meet the cold, you know?

Brian Smith: Yeah, yes. So, it's well put. And, you know, it's interesting. We all ask this question, "Why am I here?" And some people say, "We come to learn." And again, the question, "Well, if I know everything, then what am I here to learn?" Some people say, "We come here for the experience." And I was talking with a guy once, and he said, "We also come here to have that feeling of abandonment—to know what that feels like, to know what it feels like to be separate. That's actually part of the plan."

Cristian: Yes, that's true. So, the learning we do is not intellectual. It's experiential learning. So, it's a learning of the being with a capital B by being something with a lowercase B. So, the only way to actually know, you know, some experience is to actually be the person who experiences it. Like, you have to actually be you all the way. Man, you've got to go all the way in. Yeah, if you want to really know separation, then you really need to know separation. There's no—and spirit's very good at that. Sorry.

Brian Smith: Yeah, no, that's great. No, I think that's where we get confused because we think of intellectual knowledge. And people will say things like, "Well, God is omniscient. And if we're omniscient beings, then what is there to learn?" But what I've come to realize, as you said, is you can only know what it's like to be something if you're that. You can only know what it's like to be cold if you're cold. You can only know what it's like to be hungry if you're hungry.

Cristian: Yeah, exactly. So, just a very simple example. So, like, when I was a kid, I went to church camp. And I remember that there was a trust fall exercise, and I had a lot of fear. I didn't want to let go and fall into the arms of a bunch of strangers. So, the act of standing up on that log and being prepared to fall backwards into the arms of the strangers—is that a moment of intellectual learning? No, it's a moment of quality of intent. That's a Tom Campbell term. In other words, I had to choose to overcome my fear and to let go.

Now, interestingly, in this short story—this is just a personal part of this story—I fell backwards, and they dropped me. After I finally got up the nerve, and the counselor looked mortified that they had not, you know, proven that trust—that they could be trusted in that moment. I remember staring up with the wind knocked out of me, like, hurting my whole body and going, "Oh, my God."

But, you know what? I survived. And, you know, I—and it's just like, how else can the being have that experience? It sounds like a simple experience. I won't forget that experience. You know, that experience is simple. But how else can you know what it's like to not be caught? How else can you know what it's like to have to build up the courage and fall backwards? Or all the things that we do in life? You know, how do you respond when someone's driving on the road and they flick you off?

Okay, so that triggers something, and how do you respond? How else can you know who you are? Because when we have a life review, our constraints are fully recognized. It's all seen—all the limitations, all the pain we've ever known. It's all seen. It's all understood. It's totally understood, like, 100%, 1,000% understood. But then, who are you in that context?

And then you learn about yourself. You see, because then you see, "Oh, I really am the person who responded in anger when someone gave me anger. Hmm, why?" You see, and then we can learn and grow from that. Where else can you do that except in a circumstance in which you don't know you're connected to that person and that they're your loving brother or sister, and they're reflecting you off? You know, like, anyway, it's a simple—it's a silly example, but—

Brian Smith: No, it's actually a great example because, again, when people first encounter these concepts, you know, there's that pushback, like, "Well, the other thing is, this is too much. If I were setting up this lab, children wouldn't get cancer. Yes, no one would have chronic illnesses. I mean, why would I make it so hard?"

Cristian: Yes, no, absolutely. I don't make light of that. So, I just want to make a couple of comments. First of all, when we are pre-life—at least in my case, I can say pre-life, trying to decide what to engage—we know that the more contrast, the greater the opportunity. So, it's often us who say, "Give me it all. I want to do it all. I want to have this. I want to do the hard thing here. I want to stack it up, make the sandwich nice and thick, you know."

And then the guides are often the ones that say, "That's more than you can bite off. You can't chew that much sandwich. You know, that's too much. That won't be helpful. Like, there's an optimal amount of sandwich here." Yeah, I'm being a little silly, but it's us who say, "I want to do it all," you know, sometimes—not always, but many times, it's our desire to expand and that measure—that, you know, allows us to ask for that.

Okay, the other thing I want to point out, though, is that, okay, for all the extremity—and I'm not trying to make light of or justify—I am not justifying all the horrors that occur, all the ways we traumatize each other every day. But the depth of spirit is greater, deeper than the most deep contrast that can possibly arise on Earth. Like, who we are is more powerful, more full of life than anything that could possibly—like, I mean, I know to the human ego that rejects the experience and that raises its mighty righteous fist, that's hard. It's a very hard pill to swallow.

But I'm just pointing out that it's our own un-involved oneness that our own evolved—and this is why we experience so much fear. And it's the fear that hurts. It's our rejection that hurts. It's the negative meaning that we put on all the pain we've been served that hurts.

Once we drop all that rejection and fully feel even the deepest self-sorrow and pain—if we fully, fully feel that, we can process it and integrate it, and it vanishes because consciousness is deeper than it all. It's our rejection that hurts.

Brian Smith: Yeah, and, you know, we've seen that in people who have gone through just things that some of us can't even imagine. I've interviewed several Holocaust survivors on my program, and you see them overcome those things. So, what I hear you saying is the human spirit is mightier than all the crap that we can't even imagine that takes place in this Earth.

Cristian: And it doesn't even need to be qualified as a human spirit. Your spirit, you—yeah, are deeper than all that, than all the crap. And then, one third comment that I'll make is that sometimes there are outcomes that happen due to tragedy on Earth that we couldn't have foreseen that might be valuable in some way. So, sometimes there is meaning that is invisible to us. And that's important to recognize as well because the human ego can't see that. Like, what comes to mind is when I was around 25 or 26—I think it was 26, I forget the exact year—but my father had a second family, and he and his wife had, you know, some children together.

And they had a son named Jack, my brother, my half-brother, and he ended up passing away from brain cancer. So, watching a three-year-old go through the dying process and die is just about one of the worst things that can be experienced. I mean, it's horrifying. Okay, so, I don't know what Jack signed up for pre-life, but I do have a strong intuitive sense that that journey—that that was a journey that he agreed to undertake for some reason, some benefit to someone around him. And I won't go into detail on it. That—that's their human ego, I'm sure, is, "Oh, that's a big no, like, there's no way that that could have had any value."

But to the immortal spirit that cannot truly be harmed, this—this short walk—the name of my book is A Walk in the Physical—the short walk outside into the physical world, it's an opportunity. It's a journey, you know, it's a chance to experience even incredible rigors that otherwise we could not and to know ourselves in ways that we could not have known ourselves before. It's very important that we remember that. And then, finally, this is so key—that love that we develop with each other, even in a relatively short relationship, that love remains. Like, we are love.

So, we can't lose those that physically die that we're close to. We cannot lose them. That love is a powerful, living bridge right now. Yeah, the body may pass. It's like taking off a shirt. Like, you take off a shirt and throw it on the floor, and it's not really a big deal. You're still you. That person is still them. It's just now we can't physically see them. So, we mourn, and we mourn the physical sensation, the touch, we mourn the interaction, but the living connection remains.

It can't possibly die. I've heard it described by some, like, on the other side, it's like they hear our loving thoughts like a chime on the wind—I think is something that Silver Birch wrote, that's a guide that I love—like a chime on the wind that they can follow back to us. Like, I love that. And that connection is always there. I just think it's really important to lift up because, on Earth, change is so darn final. It's like, it's so mercilessly final. But the spirit is more than that. And that connection can't actually be lost.

Brian Smith: I'm glad you brought that up. I have friends who have lost children to cancer. And someone I met not too long ago—her son was born with a congenital birth defect, and he just passed a couple of days ago at the age of 14 and was never able to speak or walk. But that family, you know, just getting to know them a little bit—I've gotten to know them—that child brought so much joy to their lives and changed their lives so much.

You know, and like, he talked about the ripple effect of you just coming into the womb. Imagine a child coming in and spending three or four or 15 years here. Yes, the ripples that they send out—it's just so—we look at the pain, but it seems like it's all redeemed at some level.

Cristian: Oh, yes, there is no pain that spirit doesn't ultimately use for the better. You know, the system is very efficient, and love is very wise. And so, I'm not making light of the finality of those losses. I know I'm not making light of that. It's just that the love that we are is deeper. And I really think that's important to remember in the midst of all this. Yeah, we've all lost, you know, everyone here is human, man. We all go through the wringer, and some more than others.

But it's not just—and it's not a one-off thing. It's not just how we affect each other physically in those three years or five years or 14 years or one week in the womb. There is an energetic reality that is happening. Our mere presence on the Earth, the very thoughts that we issue, the very love that we express and give birth through each other—that it's valuable. It has a reality to it in higher systems that can be seen and felt. It's like, it's so creative and so powerful. So, there can be incredible bounty that comes from life that may be short in a physical sense that we cannot physically see that will last far past the end of this play.

Brian Smith: You just touched on something I want to talk about a little bit because Tom Campbell talks about this a little bit. I want to get your thoughts on the interaction between the next realm or the higher level of—I don't like the term "higher," but that next realm and our realm. How much interaction is there, you know, either way, both ways?

Cristian: Yeah, there's a lot of interaction. It's just that our reality is very dense, very dense. So, it's very slow by comparison to change. In our thoughts, even our very thoughts are very crude and clunky and slow by comparison to the speed of thought and interaction that occurs in higher systems. But anyway, they do interact all the time. You could say that the physical is subsequent to the non-physical, like, maybe like saying on a computer server—as a bad metaphor—but, you know, what's the relationship between the game world and the game server?

Well, there can't be a game world without the computer that's running it. And in Campbell's metaphor, he actually has an acronym for that computer. He calls it the LCS—the Living Computer System, right? And the LCS is a portion in consciousness that is giving rise to the simulation. I think that's an okay way to put it back. And so, when I say "higher," I don't mean higher as in better. More, I mean higher only as in vibrational. You can feel the difference, you know, when you engage those higher, preceding, more fundamental systems. And they do interact all the time.

Brian Smith: And this goes back to—I want to just go back to the free will versus predetermination thing. I just rewatched the movie because Tom Campbell's book reminded me of it—The Adjustment Bureau. Remember that movie? Yeah, because I thought—because I'm like, I'm trying to reconcile these things, right? So, some people say it's all predetermined. Some people say it's free will. And there seems to be an overarching plan. And then there are these beings that are like, "Let's get back on track."

Cristian: Yes. You know what's awesome about that movie is in the last scene when they're up—I don't mean to spoil this—spoiler, I'm about to spoil the ending of the movie for anybody who hasn't seen this movie yet. At the end of the movie, when they're up on the rooftop, and they have an interaction with God, basically, God changes the entire plan of the universe for their love.

Yeah. And then the Adjustment Bureau no longer has anything to follow through on. So, I like that. I like that ending because that is very helpful to help understand the depth of the unconditional love that exists for us. And it is our ability to make choices here that's one of the things that makes this such a rich and powerful opportunity—is precisely in that we have free will to make choices that may not be according to plan.

Brian Smith: Yeah, and I think it's really important—good for people coming out of a background where it's like, "Okay, God put me here. It's God's plan for me." Where I'm understanding, it's more of an interactive thing. It's like we agree, and we work out the plan together with ourselves or teams or guides, whoever.

Cristian: Yes, I like to say metaphorically, it's like we've gone in the backyard, and we're playing in the cold mud, you know, and God is still there in the kitchen watching over. It's not really a big deal that we're out playing in the mud. We're the ones who decided to come out and play in the mud with a lot of help and with a lot of guidance, you know. This is a very efficient process that we're engaged in.

And it's a process that very much transcends the limitations of one lifetime, let alone one year, one day. I mean, we are immortal beings. So, the opportunity to engage a 100-year lifetime or less to really develop and grow and learn in some way—that is a profound gift, actually. And yeah, so we are helped from the non-physical. In fact, I think that there are more non-physical beings involved in our physical simulation than there are even physical players in the game, helping us all the time, providing nudges and providing guidance in whatever small way they can while also maintaining the veracity of the simulation. That's important.

Brian Smith: Yeah, yeah. Well, I want to talk because there's something that you had said in your book—and let people know your book is great. It's like, it's a series of very short, very to-the-point essays that tie together, and they reference each other. So, it's different from any book I've ever read. But one of the things you talked about—you say, "Our joy, our destination is our joy." So, explain what you mean by that.

Cristian: I had to say joy is our true nature. It is the substance of what we are, and it's our birthright. It's what is—it's a heartless, you could say that when we are our true selves, there is incredible amounts of joy. Joy is like—it's synonymous with love, and it's synonymous with the natural trait of what we are. And I don't know how else to describe—I don't know if "trait" is the right word. It's synonymous with the nature of being. So, no matter how far we venture into limitation, no matter how deep we get into the characters, we can't help but be our true nature.

So, one way or another, we will end up back in total joy and total freedom and total bliss and total unconditional love. That is the truth. There's—you may go for a lifetime, you may go within a lifetime on other journeys, you may go and have some side journey, whatever. No matter how deep your adventure, it is always natural to return home to who you really are—to take off the backpack, put it down, come back from the forest, and say, "Wow, I just had a very long, crazy journey. Put down the backpack. You return home." And you know, "Oh, joy is what I am. Maybe next time I'll go climb a mountain." But it's up to you. You don't have to go climb a mountain. You can decide what you want to do. You're free.

Brian Smith: Yeah, I really wanted to make sure we got that point across. I think I said it wrong. It's like, "Joy, your destination is joy," that we are all—because, you know, there are some people that believe that, you know, we can become eternally lost. We can become, you know, we can go too far away, you know, we can lose the light. So, how would you respond to that?

Cristian: Yeah, so there are hellish experiences that happen both on Earth and in thought-responsive reality systems. What I mean is when we have fear, that is when we have rejection, when we have all the—all the fear gives rise to many patterns of the ego, you know—anger, jealousy, all, you know, all the things that we try to grab onto when we associate deeply with that. And it all boils down to fear. So, when we have fear that we have not yet processed, it can be a hellish experience, whether on Earth or whether we find ourselves in a thought-responsive reality that is reacting to our fear and that we're giving rise to.

So, we could potentially create a non-fundamentally real hellish experience without even being aware of it. However, importantly, all experiences of form—all of them—are non-fundamental. They're transitory. They're temporary. All form is temporary. The five-year-old body that was you is gone. It's temporary. This experience will pass. And even a subsequent experience of potentially great fear, whether in this or another reality system, it too will pass because they are all manifestations of our journey into contrast, whether it be in this physical reality or another. They're all sojourns.

And we always return from those sojourns. And like I said, use that contrast for the expansion of what is real and what is lasting, what is true. It is not possible to be eternally separated from the light or something. No, no. The experience of separation—we're already at the extreme point right now, like, this is it. We're here.

And then, but see, now that we're here, we have a lot of fear because this is a crazy alien state. So, now we spin all sorts of terrifying stories. We've even created beliefs like, "You can be eternally damned and burn in hell forever." You know, we, because we're fearful, so we come up with that stuff. We enshrine it in our religions. We use it to maybe—I mean, I'm not trying to generalize—it's been enshrined in the past in certain religious traditions. And then that belief might be used to cause more fear, to be used in control, whatever. That's all fear. That whole fear orgy is not fundamental to what we are. It's all a journey. It's all a sojourn.

And no matter what, one way or another, we will end up back to the wholeness and the truth, the true love and the joy and the freedom of what we really are. We're actually there right now. It's just that we're so far vibrationally deep in association with this limitation that we don't feel it. That's a key distinction because I think a lot of people think, "Oh, I'm trapped in the physical. I'm trapped in this world. I'm not really there. I'm trapped, I'm trapped, I'm trapped. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it."

It's precisely the association with those negative interpretations, that fear, that is the separator. That's the vibrational separator. We can let that go all the way and find we never left. You never left freedom and the joy of your being.

So, you'll often hear experiences where people may find themselves in like a hellish environment until they cry out or until they focus upward, as you say, and then all of a sudden, there is a great connection. Maybe a beam will come, or they'll fall, or they'll see the light or something, or whatever. I'm not going to try to judge or label. I'm just saying that that wholeness and that love and that peace and that joy—that is the true nature that was always there. So, as soon as we change our focus back to it, of course, there is a response.

Our focus—always our focus and our intention—always has an effect. I think that's a key point. I know I've gone on for a long time and covered a lot of different topics, but I just want to highlight this one last thing: Our intention is our primary power. What we're intending—the quality of our intention—is the primary question at hand. Are we making a choice?

So, intention is first, and it reflects through choice-making. Are we making a choice that's based in love or based in fear? That's always the primary. I mean, of course, there are thousands of facets to that choice. I'm not saying it's a simple choice. But at the root of it, it's, "Are you meeting this moment—whatever's happening, whether it be this reality or another system—how are you meeting this moment with love or fear?"

And then, if you choose love, you and all the things that love meets will naturally, vibrationally, instantly move closer to who you already really are. It's kind of like if you go and look at a beautiful sunset, and for a minute, you just drop all your crap, and you just enjoy the beauty of the sunset. Maybe you remember some love that you know, and you feel—for just that glimmer of a moment, you feel, "Ah," you feel that connectedness.

You never went anywhere. It's just that you changed your focus. You changed your allowing to recognize the beauty that is being expressed to you and allow it. Vibrationally, it immediately returns you closer—a step closer to that connectedness state. You're never lost.

Brian Smith: Awesome, awesome. I think that's a great way to end our conversation. That question—I want to thank you so much for being here and for what you do. I know you're very busy, and I know this is—you've got a lot of children and everything. You're very free with your book. So, tell people where they can find out about your book, where they can get it.

Cristian: Yeah, sure. So, at the beginning, you said that the book can be downloaded. It can't actually be downloaded for free, but it is available to be read for free online. If you just go to my website, awalkinthephysical.com, there's a book page. The third link down is a link to Google Books, where the whole book is available for free. Just click "Read for free" or something—I forget the button. But it's all there. It's also available on Amazon in print or Kindle version. And the audiobook is also available on Audible. Those are all for purchase. But I did record the audiobook, I guess, a year before last December. So, yes, all those forms are out there.

I think it's—it's not about the money. I just want people to be reminded of who we really are. No, like, I just—if you feel intuitively that it can help, please, you know, feel free to read the book. And if not, that's totally fine, too. If you'd like to email me, I try to make myself available. I've got a lot of emails lately, so I apologize if I can't respond. But the information for all that is on my website, awalkinthephysical.com. I also have a bunch of other talks that I've shared there as well.

As the last thing I'll say, I just want to say to everybody who's listening today, please be reminded: You are a loving, powerful, immortal, multi-dimensional being. You really are. And there is absolutely nothing to fear in this life. Whatever you're dealing with, whatever the hardship in your life is right now, please be reminded of who you really are and know that you are deep and powerful and loved so much. That there is nothing to truly fear. I just—I just feel like we need—that's the most important message we can share with each other.

Brian Smith: 100%. I, again, am so honored that you're here today. Thank you for what you do. I do want to—I know for you, it's not about the money. It's about the message. For me, I've read a few books that have really, really, like, changed my way of thinking. Yours is one of them. Listening to the interviews with you—so, I want to thank you for what you do.

Cristian: Thank you so much, Brian. I appreciate you having me on. Thank you.

Brian Smith: All right, enjoy your evening. Thank you. I'm excited to note—I have a great new resource. It's called GEMS: Four Steps to Move from Grief to Joy. And what it is, it's four things that I've found that I do on a daily basis to help me to navigate my grief. And I'm offering it to you free of charge. It's a free download. Just go to my website, www.grieftogrowth.com/gems grab it there for free. I hope you enjoy it.